The story of an inspirational woman

I love photographing women, telling their stories and reflecting who they are through my images.  I recently had the opportunity to photograph a truly inspirational woman – someone who I have known for several years and who I’m honoured to call a friend.   Meet Sigrid Rijgersberg-von Stockhausen, a woman who transformed her personal life 25 years ago when she ended an abusive marriage in the US, leaving everything behind to start again in her native Holland with her 3-month-old daughter to rebuild her life.

This is a story of incredible determination to transform a life shattered by domestic violence and a story where 25 years later – as Sigrid celebrates her 50th birthday – sees Sig lifting up other women through the power of a beautiful dress, the courage to speak out and the confidence in knowing that her story can, and has, helped other women going through the same experience.

Project Dressmaker was born earlier this year, and I had the amazing opportunity to photograph Sig wearing the dresses she has made for herself showcasing the connection between dressmaking, rebuilding your self-confidence and gaining the strength needed to carry on.  As Sig herself says “Sewing mends my soul”.

 

The first backstory

The backstory to our portrait session started when Sig asked me to take photos of a collection of dresses she had made over the years.  I knew Sig was a dressmaker as I remember her turning up at a gala function in a stunning emerald green cocktail dress. When I asked her where she got it from, her answer was ‘I made it myself‘.  My aunty is a dressmaker so I was impressed, to say the least.

In preparation for my portrait shoots, I like to get know the person behind my lens, and so I asked Sig a few questions about why she wanted to photograph the dresses.

 

Why did you decide to have the dresses photographed?

A couple of reasons: firstly I want to capture these dresses for eternity in a beautiful and artistic way. I’m quite proud of them and I feel grateful and blessed to have inherited this talent from my late Indonesian dressmaker grandmother and my mother. It’s almost an ode to these two super strong talented women!  

Any time I finish a dress I feel very accomplished and confident. Secondly, I would like to start creating a “photography portfolio” of dresses I have made…. I am tossing up the idea to give sewing dress workshops in my free time with an objective to teach women how to sew a dress in an afternoon in a very simple, non-complicated way. Sewing workshops are often full-on and take weeks for a dress to be completed because they get taught all the “old fashion ways” of sewing, hemming, etc. Ain’t nobody got time for that! Hahah! My sewing approach is very simple, simple patterns with beautiful fabrics that are flattering and I am all about sewing hacks.  I am an impatient dressmaker!

 

 

Tell me more about what these dresses mean to you?  When did you start making them?

As a dressmaker in Indonesia, my grandmother would design and make beautiful dresses. She had a small team of women she led who would help her make the dresses and my grandfather would deliver them on the back of his motorbike to the clients.  Later in Holland, my grandmother continued to do dressmaking and had her own business at home. She was a very fashionable and well-dressed lady who embraced her curves and always looked fantastic!

 

 

I grew up with a mother who, for most of my childhood and teenage years, made her own clothes and mine as well. When we first emigrated to the US when I was a toddler, we didn’t have a lot of money so my Mum was really thrifty and would make most of our clothes.   I remember her making matching clothes for me and her!  She also made clothes using traditional Indonesian batik fabric and would model them in our local community cultural events both in the US and Holland promoting the Indonesian culture.

I also remember when we first emigrated to Australia back in the early 80s – again we had very little money and as a teenager, I wanted to wear the latest fashion,  so my Mum would make it for me – for a fraction of the price!

So growing up I was surrounded by all this sewing creativity and thrift.  When I was 16 my mother tried to teach me how to sew and at that time I had no patience whatsoever so I abandoned the thought of myself making clothes and just kept admiring what my Mum and Grandmother would produce. It wasn’t until I became a single mum with my daughter in Holland that I decided to give it a real go because I had very little money and clothes were very expensive in Holland so I made clothes for the two of us. I taught myself really, and was clearly blessed with the sewing gene! To this day I find it hard to pay for a $300 cocktail dress when I can make it myself for so much less! I also have a passion for “refashioning” existing clothing pieces.

 

The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence

 

 

Why dressmaking?

Never underestimate the power of a dress! When you put on a beautiful dress you immediately feel more confident and beautiful!  Imagine when you make that dress yourself? What a sense of achievement! Yes – the dress is every women’s superpower!

 

The Creation of Project Dressmaker

I love it when people connect different parts of themselves and their story – the intersections of their lives; bringing them together to create something new.  Sig did just that when she created Project Dressmaker.  The project brings together Sig’s love of dressing making, the confidence that creating something brings to you, her experience of domestic violence and her desire to support and lift up other women.

And so our second backstory begins.

 

Everyone has a story and every story is unique. Stories that shape us as individuals, that go beyond what people see on the outside. Stories that have made us who we are today and who we want to be in the future. Sigrid Rijgersberg-von Stockhausen

 

 

What inspired you to start Project Dressmaker?

To answer this question, I need to go back in time to over 25 years ago when I ended an abusive marriage in the US, left everything behind and returned to my native Holland with my 3-month-old daughter to rebuild my life.  I was lucky to survive. Leaving came at great cost because as a mother of 2 very young children at the time (an 18-month-old son and a 3-month-old daughter) I had to make the most painful decision ever. A decision all mothers would instinctively say they would never ever make.  Well… never say never.

I had to make the very painful decision to leave my 18-month-old son behind with his father. Unbeknownst to him at the time, I literally fled the country with my baby daughter, went back to my native Holland to escape the emotional and physical abuse and rebuild my life.

People often ask me how could I possibly make the conscious choice to leave my first-born son? Surely, I must have not been in the best state of mind and I must have made this decision under great emotional duress and desperation given my situation. What really happened is I made this decision in a moment of complete clarity and resilience, where I had a strong sense that in the future it would all work out, we would all be ok. It was a decision I was prepared to wear the consequences for, at the time and in the future. I had such a strong feeling this was my path forward out of this turmoil, even though it came at a great cost.

My ex-husband kept our son thinking I would never leave him, let alone the country. I knew he idolised and doted on our son and I had to trust that time would heal all wounds and I would be reunited with him one day. It was the only way to break the cycle of abuse and it was a decision that would change my life forever.

Starting over with nothing was not easy. I had some family support, but I did not want to burden them over a long period of time. At the end of the day, it was up to me to build a new life for myself and my baby girl. I knew that I had to quickly regain my self-confidence and my self-esteem if I was going to be able to navigate the long journey ahead of me towards rebuilding my life.

At the time I had very little money and was on the Dutch equivalent of single mother benefits. New clothes were expensive, so my daughter and I would wear second-hand clothes generously given to me by family and friends which I was very grateful for.

 

 

The dressmaking connection

One day I was given an old sewing machine and I figured surely, I must have inherited some of these sewing genes from my grandmother and mother!  I began to teach myself how to sew and make clothes for myself and daughter. I really enjoyed making dresses and I felt this great sense of accomplishment and pride especially when people would compliment my work. Sewing really boosted my self-confidence and gave me something tangible to remind myself what I can achieve with just a few metres of fabric. It is here where the foundations of regaining my self-confidence began.

As my confidence grew I decided to find a job, so I could get off benefits and make a little more money. A well-meaning family member thought I was crazy to want to give up government support as a single mum while my daughter was still so young (she was now 2) but I felt I was very capable of earning a living on my own. He told me I had no experience in the Dutch corporate environment and said I would never get a job because after living in the US for so long I was not as fluent in my native tongue anymore.

That made me even more determined to prove him wrong. I went to a temp agency that said a local engineering company needed an Executive Secretary with a very special requirement – the candidate had to be a native English speaker! I interviewed, got the job on the spot and re-entered the workforce. Juggling a job and being a single Mum was not always easy, but I pushed through some hard times through sheer determination supported by my self-confidence until I ended up in much calmer waters.

 

 

 

How my life was transformed

Being away from my son was not easy. However, I never gave up hope I would see him again. I had a beautiful mother in law who is now an angel watching over us who made it her mission to ensure my son knew who I was and that I loved him. The first time I saw my son again he was 10 years old and I cannot describe the feeling of happiness and love I felt. Now that he is 25 years old and knows the truth of my journey, we have a great relationship and he continues to live in the US. I’m very proud of the man he has become and how he treats women with respect and kindness. I eventually met my partner and we have been together for 21 years. I call him the “The Good Husband” (vs the “bad husband” I had before) because he is so wonderful and loyal and a great father. It is around this time I started my career in pharmaceuticals in the Netherlands. We married and were blessed with a son and I can honestly say I have found my happily ever after. Not just in terms of a loving partner but most importantly in terms of my authentic self.

Six years ago, we moved to Australia and I feel incredibly blessed to live in this beautiful country with my family and continue to make happy memories and live my best life.  Regaining my self-confidence and my self-esteem gave me the strength and the determination to reinvent myself and successfully rebuild my life.  I am not defined by what has happened to me, I am a stronger person for it. Throughout my journey past and present, I am presented with several choices and each time I try to consciously “choose brave”.

This is the background story of how Project Dressmaker was born, how a simple dress can uplift you and give you confidence. It’s about looking forward not back, reclaiming your self-confidence and your self-esteem so that you are well equipped to successfully navigate the road to rebuilding your life.

 

 

What does Project Dressmaker aim to do?

The initiative is designed to build self-confidence, self-esteem and motivate and empower women to stay the course when they choose to leave a violent relationship and rebuild their lives.

Over 6 months, the Program weaves life coaching workshops with dressmaking workshops to help women reclaim their self-confidence, empower them and strengthen them for the journey ahead.

The first program of Project Dressmaker was delivered in partnership with a leading charity and offered participants opportunities to connect and be mentored, learn new skills (e.g. dressmaking) and build confidence and self-esteem.

 

What do you hope to achieve through this project?

My purpose is very simple, using my story and my love of dressmaking to inspire other women who have been affected by domestic violence to reclaim their confidence and their life.  It is my hope that women participating in Project Dressmaker walk away from the program a little more confident and a little more determined to stay the course and continue the journey towards creating a successful life for themselves.  

I have a real passion for uplifting women because I think if we can do this we can change the world!

 

They tried to bury us. They didn't know we were seeds. Mexican Proverb.

 

All photos copyright Kris Ashpole

 

I was there for the opening lunch of Project Dressmaker and the closing ceremony.  What’s next for Project Dressmaker?

6 months ago we started the Project Dressmaker journey with 9 women who were domestic violence survivors.  On Friday 1st November, the first round of the Program came to an end and we celebrated with a look back on our journey and a fashion show where the women got to show off their amazing dresses and were escorted down the catwalk by my son and cheered on by an audience of amazing supporters. 

I am so incredibly proud of each of them on how far they have come.   I’m now reviewing the lessons from the first round as I prepare to take this program to more women around Australia.

 

I was involved with Sig in the early stage of developing Project Dressmaker.  I was incredibly touched when Sig asked me to take portraits of the women at the opening lunch (unfortunately, I can’t show you those for privacy reasons).  And I was so proud to be at the closing ceremony when we gave the women their portraits, printed and framed and they loved them.

I saw first hand the transformation that these women have been through over the 6 months of the program – the power of women working together to lift each other up is magic.   There was not a dry eye in the house when the women walked the catwalk arm in arm with Sig’s son dancing to the song “This is Me” from The Greatest Showman Movie.

 

I am brave, I am bruised I am who I'm meant to be. This is me. Look out 'cause here I come. And I'm marching on to the beat I drum. I'm not scared to be seen. I make no apologies. this is me

 

Not only was Sig the visionary behind this project, she also pulled together an amazing group of women to bring the project to life.  There are too many to name, but I’d like to do a shout out to Rosie Dunstan who was the professional life coach on the program (another beautiful soul).

 

A big thank you to Sigrid for allowing me to share her inspiring story, the work she is doing through Project Dressmaker and these gorgeous photos of her taken during our portrait session.  I know her story will inspire women to share our stories, to live a life of our dreams and to support and lift up our sisters.

With love,

 

 

PS:  You can connect to Project Dressmaker via Instagram or on the fundraising page.